Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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