Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
