I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
