Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
