What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
It's shark week go big or go home
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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