I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Another day, another engagement, another cat
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
