i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
