I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
