your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
