I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
