Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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