This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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