I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
