LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
