I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
