It's like God shit irony all over that family
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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