Cold hands, warm shart.
i don't like sucking hair
her vagine was all disorganized.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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