I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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