Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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