I just saw a hot homeless man
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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