She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
