so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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