Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
