I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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