Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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