Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
