theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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