hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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