can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
