Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
