The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
