dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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