Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
