Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
