You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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