That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
