Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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