"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
we made out on top of his cat.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
