i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
