I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
