Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
