I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
