I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
