yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
