i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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