Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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