why do cheetos always look like penises
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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