I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
