Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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