Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
