I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Randomize
